1、What’s the definition of an accountant?
A guy who wanted to be a mortician but didn’t have the personality.
2、What is the Army slogan for accountants?
Be audit you can be.
3、What does an accountant use for birth control?
4、If an accountant’s wife can’t get to sleep, what does she do?
Leans over to her husband and says “Tell me about work today, honey.”
5、Why Do Accountants Make Good Lovers?
They’re great with figures.
6、How Can You Tell You’ve Found a Good Tax Accountant?
He has a loophole named after him.
7、How did the accountant die?
He lost his balance.
8、What do you a call a 90-year-old accountant?
Someone at the end of their useful life.
9、What’s the Difference Between an Accountant and a Lawyer?
The accountant knows he’s boring..
10、Where Do Homeless Accountants Live?
In a tax shelter.
11、How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
12、Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because that’s what he did last year.
13、What did the accountant do before busy season?
He shot himself in the face.